MISERIES

I know I preach positiveness but sometimes it is just TOO difficult to just keep out of pain and do necessary tasks to be positive.

The weather has now turned, it is a very cold north wind blowing with rain and my house is NOT DRAUGHT PROOF [thanks to the local housing department], also I have no central heating so keeping warm is difficult to say the least. It has now become a situation where I go to bed at night in pain and needing the rest bodily but mentally I'm still alert. Last night was a very restless night, tried reading but this last attack has left my eyes weak; tried the TV - did I REALLY want to watch a programme about either the state of the economy or pornography? - That's the choices in the early hours.

I refuse to take sleeping tablets again because I then doze all day, having to take regular painkillers is enough for me to deal with.

I've now got the oven on with the clothes airer and wet washing in front of it, an electric heater in the office [where my sole lifeline this computer is] that the cat keeps knocking and then it turns off and I don't realise until I'm cold and I'm drinking more coffee than is good for me.

Oh for the ability to just get out of the house without the cold wind bringing my pain back. Wouldn't it be lovely to have a purpose in life such as work? I do miss working and the social life it brings with it. I did voluntary work when I finished paid employment but the commitment was too much strain for me so here I am getting really miserable and depressed.

The 3Ps are getting me down = Poverty, Pain & Pigsty - will it never end? Trying to deal with Pigsty is hampered by the Pain and the Poverty is never-ending. There has got to be a way out of this situation but at the moment I can't see one, isn't that depressing?

Oh well back to Family History, at least I've got that to occupy me.

See you later.

NEW START

APOLOGIES; APOLOGIES; APOLOGIES. No excuses just feeling YUCK, lots of hospital appointments and tests over the past few months and a change of medication has left me feeling worn out.
Eventually triggered a major FMS attack.
Anyway I've started coming out of it now and the energy levels are steadily rising so fingers crossed this will continue.

Families

I haven't mentioned before but my 83 year old mother had 3 strokes within 5 weeks early last year and, as myself and my adult children are her only family, it has put added pressure on me, a situation which doesn't seem to be improving. Now my daughter is in the process of moving house and taking on more responsibility at work more and more care is being left to me [my daughter in law being extremely unreliable] and that does not help the FMS situation.

I mention this now because today would have been my father's 94th birthday but he died 27 years ago and I still miss him. My own birthday was a couple of weeks back and that got me thinking about the perils of getting older.

People annoy me [especially the older ones] when they have the opinion that because I am still below 60 I haven't really got anything wrong with me and shouldn't be whizzing around on my mobility scooter or having hospital transport to get to appointments. Hence having the supa doopa 'bike' instead of the more conventional type scooter. And it's very useful for exercising the dog!

That's all for today's post, there will be definitely be more moaning and complaining at a later date.